Success and then realising failure

Here I am at week 9 of the 12WBT and I am struggling. Big D went back to work today, so my flexibility with training has gone. I need to be up earlier and firing straight away. Since he has been on leave I have been able to get up and saunter about before doing whatever is in the program, but not anymore! This morning I wasted time where I didn’t get to do the run on the Advanced Lean and Strong program. In fact after Big D left, I went back to bed! Even though I was all dressed ready to go…what was I thinking? I was guilt ridden, arguing with myself to get up and do SOMETHING, if not exercise then do other jobs about the house.Calendar_0

I feel like I am losing my way with the program. The Weekly Challenge this week is to demonstrate how far you have come and this morning I was doing exactly the opposite of what I had managed to achieve through this round. Exercise before the rest of the family gets up. Fortunately, the kids slept in after Big D left, so I had the opportunity to take on the cardio circuit ‘Earn Your Burn’ that is part of the program. Phew! I was really happy with myself, actually doing it when I had fought inside my head about getting on with it, and then it wasn’t as hard as the last time I did it. I was able to work for longer and really used more calories than then before. A pickup I really needed.

I did the SSS on Saturday and luxuriated in the extra sleep in I got on Sunday. I was very disappointed that I still woke up at 6am, my daughter too, so had to coax her back to bed and try to get some extra sleep for me. I felt so much better later last night. I need to reteach myself how to sleep in.

Little L had his first half day introduction to childcare today. I hate this time, with his big sister I would bawl in the car after drop off. But I knew it was good for her and will be for him once settled. With Little L, he was happily playing in the room, so I got up blew a kiss and waved, grabbed Little D by the hand and walked out the door! We hear him cry out as we turned the corner to go to the car and I told her to just keep walking, wiping a tear from my eye, started the car and off we went. Day one done. Thank goodness. When we collected him, he burst into tears at the sight and then wouldn’t let me go. Poor darling was sobbing. Breaks your heart!

red-flagAfter drop off the  day proceeded with terrible food. I used the opportunity of just having Little D to head into work and try to start arranging some of the details of starting work (you know getting onto the network, details of my office etc). I only planned to be there a short time so took a bottle of water and a small snack for Little D. Low and behold we were there until nearly 2pm when we went to get Little L. So both of us went without a real lunch. My planning consisted of a bag of raw nuts in my handbag and a croissant for Little D (half of which I had after being discarded by Little D) and a sushi roll (around 2.30pm). By this afternoon I felt terrible. So after giving myself a pat on the back this morning, I have undone the work exercising.

What this has helped me realise, or more honestly caused me to face, is that I don’t plan and this sets me up for failure.

Over the three previous 12WBT rounds I have never seriously taken to my diary, planned workouts and noted red flag days. When I am out I just expect to be able to pick something up that is suitable or just to make the best choice of what is available to me and that will be enough. But obviously, this isn’t working (today is a perfect example). I plan for the kids (generally, but not today) but barely have a fleeting thought for myself.

I think this leads me to the conclusion that I need to sign up for the next round. So I can take it seriously, not waste the opportunity to get organised for the whole family and really capitalise on what I have learnt to date. Has anyone else made any glaring omissions from the program? I can’t be the only one!

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