Feeling like a fraudster

I have been a little slow getting on here to talk about progress. Things are hectic with the first day of school this week for my Little D and to be honest, I have so much on my mind I didn’t really know where to start.

I have been feeling like a fraud. Last week after accelerator day I felt like I had an epiphany. I felt empowered and all knowing about how to say ‘no’ to food. But you know what, the glow faded and I stopped saying no. So after a good weigh in last Wednesday, even better on Thur (finally cracked 75kg) I then went into a bit of a slump this week. I still did accelerator day (though not as well) and still lost a touch of weight by Wednesday (I think 75.1kg) but then by yesterday (Thur) was mindlessly snacking in the kitchen again. It really is a let down. It makes me cranky at myself and feel like I am going backwards rather than forwards.

Do I need this in the kitchen? What I really want is a 'no eating' sign.

Do I need this in the kitchen? What I really want is a ‘no eating’ sign.

Sleep – I am a long way off my plan to be in bed at a reasonable time. This week it has been midnight every night and I am not even achieving what I want to! Now part of it is not getting enough done during the day – you know the boring tasks of preparing meals, washing up post dinner, putting clothes and crap away.  Plus the little issue of Big D coming home late (after 9pm last night) then wanting to offload work stuff, have dinner and a cup of tea. I was nearly in bed when he got home, then ended up having tea with him at 10pm! But I am also reading the Twilight books (I know VERY slow to be reading them now) and trying to get through them quickly. I am not sure why I am reading them so much – perhaps because I have not been reading novels all summer and now I am making up for it? It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed I have a read, and the chapters are big!

12WBT can really offer fast results if you follow it properly. But given my half arsed approach I can’t expect what others have done. Slow and steady has to be my approach. With more focus and actually igniting my willpower muscle I think I will be at my current goal weight by the end of Round 1 2013. I really was kidding myself to adjust my goal weight for this round down to 70 kg. I am just about at my first goal of 75kg which is great, I just know I could have been further along had I maintained my original intensity. Still I know this round has provided an excellent founding for my fitness for the future, I really feel like there has been a big improvement and I have FINALLY done that yoga class.

Here I am post workout today. Still lots of work to do, but generally less bulk to the wobbly bits.

Here I am post workout today. Still lots of work to do, but generally less bulk to the wobbly bits.

So here I am after my workout this morning, apologies for the dicky smile! I am wearing a new Michelle Bridges One Active t-shirt which I really like. The other tops seems to be a little over-engineered for my liking. Perhaps when I get the weight down a bit more I will be able to wear them.

This week I managed to get out for my run on Monday, since it was a holiday and it was not bad with nearly 900 cal (thanks MapMyRun) and something like 300 on my Garmin (:P). But I didn’t do anything Wednesday, so I have tried to catch up a bit yesterday and today with more cardio. So the Burning Bridges was this morning. It really is hard work, I did manage 20 secs of tuck jumps, but only the intermediate speed. Jacqui I will be working to catch up to you at the advanced level!

Oh and I finally ventured into a Lorna Jane shop. I hadn’t been in there because once when I looked at their stuff online (ages ago) they claimed to look after women of all sizes, but then had so little choice around the size 16 mark I boycotted it! So I popped in and the staff member was really great, so helpful it was a real pleasure. I think I may actually like some of their stuff, though I don’t get the ‘back to the 80’s’ choice of colours! Plus, I think it would work if they had some of the affirmations on the shirts to be in reverse so when you are in the gym, you can read them to yourself in the mirror? Can I patent that idea??

So, one week to go. I am planning on getting on with it despite starting work on Monday (save me!) and finishing with a more consistent approach to my food. How long will it take for me to learn to just make the right choice? I am sure I should be motivated for the end, but I am just not feeling it!

My plan is for the SSS tomorrow early and see if I can escape for a second yoga class mid-morning. Wish me luck!


2 Comments on “Feeling like a fraudster”

  1. rubysneaker says:

    I know what you mean about going backwards – I have done that so many times with the whole ‘quitting smoking’ thing, but am determined to crack it in Round 1. Re your approach / getting results – I think slow and steady is great! If it’s working for you then that’s all that matters, and hey – at least you’re doing something (it all counts).

    Hope the SSS went well. 🙂
    ps – love the top!

    • buckers26 says:

      You are right, I need to take comfort in the fact I am doing something!

      Now smoking – hell, I can’t send enough strength and well wishes. Both my parents smoked my whole life at home (Mum still does) and I just don’t get it. I won’t even stay with her when I go see her in Perth anymore, it is all too distressing with smoking being a major de-motivator for me, Big D and with the kids to consider. Anyway, do what you have to do to give it the flick. You deserve to ditch it!

      SSS was alright, though it doesn’t burn many calories for me, I ran out of time so didn’t even crack 400cal! But I did get in my second yoga class which was good. Now got to work out when I can do the next one.

      Sending many strong vides to you for Round 1!

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