An overdue update…plus a comment on last night

Talk about being idle! I have just not managed to put my fingers to the keys to keep the blog up to date.

The last month has been inconsistent to say the least. My exercise has been sporadic and this week especially my eating has been atrocious. I am seriously bingeing for the first time (or maybe it is just I recognise it?). I continue to eat because it is there and nearly challenge myself to finish off whatever it is tempting me. Part of the problem is I haven’t been to work this week with Little L getting sick. When I am not working, my exercise frequency drops off and then I eat more. Of course the awful germs have been kindly shared with me, so I am not too sorry to not be at work. My lungs feel like they will come out my mouth with every cough and to be honest, my work is nothing I am passionate about, so I don’t really miss being there, but I have so much work to do!

20130210-201749My boss is under extreme pressure at the moment and I am feeling significant guilt for not being there to ease the load. This part time gig was always planned to take some of the load off her, but I really haven’t had much opportunity. Although some bits I have managed to take off her plate, there is also lots of stuff I just can’t manage to help out with because all the details are in her head, and I am just not there enough. She doesn’t have time to brief me properly so she just keeps it all to herself. It worries me for her and my other half who is under similar pressures.

So Little L is 22 months now and is only having one sleep when at daycare. He is a mess with one sleep and although he probably could have gone to daycare some of this week, I just know he would be home again next week without some proper rest. So I have been putting him down for two sleeps all week. He is going down easily and not even too bad at night. So it seems to be working. But again, I am feeling guilty, if he is well enough to be in care – then he should be! But then I feel better knowing he is likely to be fully recovered by next Monday to start in care again.

Anyway, with this week off, then school holidays starts, crikey, I don’t feel like I am ever in the office. I will really have to be on my game to get the healthy eating and exercise down for next week for my shift of school holiday care with Little D.

I have been seeing my trainer irregularly and have not been to yoga for about three weeks! 20130403-103639 I am missing the yoga terribly, I am not looking forward to the slow progression back into it. But work for Big D is really out of control (where he comes home late and may be working at home until 1-2am each night) so it is hard to get away to make the class times. He leaves the house any time after 7am so my options for classes really are limited morning and night. It can be frustrating, but I am trying to keep my attitude in check.

Even though my training has really not been what I would like. I am trying to do it without a fixed program (ie no 12WBT for a bit (I was getting bored)). I really want to be driven by my own goals and desires, not by a timeline that has an imperative based on how much money I have spent! I have been looking around to see if there is anything else I can do locally that might give me more satisfaction, including swapping my Personal Trainer. I really want someone who is engaged with me, takes the time to know me and helps me to develop physically, mentally and with my knowledge. I have found a boxing coach locally who I really want to see, boxing is absolutely one of my favourite training options and I would love to do it properly. So I hope I can make some times to get to his classes and maybe use him as my PT?

Without wanting to get caught up in all the Political crap – I just want to say I am saddened by the removal of Julia Gillard last night. Sure, she didn’t get to the top job in the first place in the best way, but she was there post-election in 2010 having negotiated Labour’s way into Government. If Labour think rewarding Rudd for his conniving behaviour is the way to remain in power I think they are kidding themselves (or the Australian voters are as dopey the media portrays us). All this talk from ‘people on the streets’ in the media about how popular he is I think is bollocks, as is the talk about her ‘lying’ about the carbon tax – consider the circumstances of the govt, it wasn’t just her decision. The sooner this current batch of leaders is over the better. Personally I can’t stand listening to Rudd or Abbott.

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So I go around again…

Ok, so it has been a few days and you won’t be surprised to learn that my program has been anything BUT up to scratch. The last workout I did was last Thur when I did two in one day with my Hot Yoga). I didn’t even manage my SSS after not getting up early enough on Sat (I know another surprise) then Little L came down sick through the afternoon and night. Poor little thing couldn’t eat dinner Sat night then woke with a temp over 39 degrees Sun and Mon. Thankfully we got into the doctor and she confirmed his little (or not so little) tonsils are huge and covered in pus (is that too much detail?). Not wonder he is miserable and won’t let me put him down!

So Little L and I are at home, today I finally did my first workout in what feels like forever. But him being sick does add additional challenges to remaining on track, but it also serves as a convenient excuse. The workout was good, as always, great to be sweaty, I had hoped to do a double just to try and catch up a little, but when I had to settle Little L three times in the workout, I ran out of time! But the good news is I will see my new trainer on Friday and he will, in all likelihood, kick my butt to the kerb. Wish me luck with that!

This HAS to be me!

This HAS to be me!

So, having taken the time with a coffee I watched ‘Extreme Makeover – Weightloss Edition’. Have you seen it? I have got to say, I think Chris Powell is just one of the best looking and genuine dudes on TV. Holy crap, in the episode I watched he came out in some boardies to jump in the pool, I nearly choked! I would love the opportunity to be trained by him (for more than just the obvious reason!). Wouldn’t it be great to have someone dedicated, who takes the time to get to know you and REALLY know your limits?

What is frustrating about this continued slump is that I feel like I am going around in circles. I do well, I fail, do ok, then fail. It is like I keep learning the lesson, just to go backwards again. I suspect this is a bit what self sabotage looks like. But why do it? I do know that I worry how I will be when I get to my goal weight, not to mention how will I stay there. It is concerning how easy it is to disregard all that I know that is good for me and ‘treating’ myself or ignoring how bad the choice is I have made. It is a constant battle, one that I really want to win but seem to take the easy option all too easily.

I also know there is a sense of being overwhelmed. Starting back at work hasn’t been without its difficulties. I felt like I didn’t have enough time to fit in everything I needed to and wanted to do before I went back to work, and now it is worse that I have three days at work with more things to do there. Being part-time you can’t help but feel like you are short changing those that work with you.

I know there a millions of people managing, do they all find it easier than me or are they suffering in silence? I need to learn to compromise more (which I do already, you should see the state of the house!) and then not beat myself up about the choice I make.


Fitspiration

Forgive all the webpage links, but I finally worked out how to do it!

Some time ago theskinnyonamydeville wrote in her blog about ‘fitspiration’ and I realised I hadn’t found my ‘fitspiration’ towards. I have a vague idea about weight, but not how I wanted to look. So I have been working again on my goals but mostly keeping an eye on bodies and if there is anything I might like to emulate.

Now obviously, like Amy, Michelle Bridges is an great role model. But I don’t think I could ever look like that. I mean, I don’t have the drive or inclination to be so committed as she is to maintain her awesome form. She impresses the hell out of me with her tenacity. I really love how graceful she is on Biggest Loser when her contestants ‘train’ her. I can’t imagine how she keeps her mouth shut!

I also think Pink is too awesome for words. To see her perform on the AMA’s (see this in You Tube) was truly stunning. She is fit, controlled, graceful and has a great voice all at the same moment! I have also seen her on Ellen a few times and she has a great sense of humour. She made me smile after the Olympics in London when they USA gymnasts came on the show and Pink was bowing down to them. The awe was reciprocal, so cool to see. Here are the photos on Ellen’s page A Day in Ellen’s Photos, Featuring P!nk! | EllenTV.com.

I have come across a new body to ‘fitspiration’ that of Michelle Bridges mate Gabi Bruce who appears in Michelle’s exercise videos. Of course I had to go looking for info on her and discovered a clip on You Tube doing yoga, plus an awesome picture of her I found here. The link says that Gabi was awarded ‘Best Physique 2012’ in the IFBB (International Federation of Body Building) Australia. Whilst trying not become a stalker I also found these photos of her competing, crap, that is way out of my league!

An impressive Gabi Bruce

An impressive Gabi Bruce

I strayed from my thoughts, but the crux of it is that she seems to be a little more along my lines of body type (that is in the videos, I am not so sure after seeing all of these photos!). In Michelle’s exercise videos she is strong; I mean, unwavering in her control and strength. Just so impressive to watch. She is fit without being fully ‘ripped’ like Michelle. I think I am working towards a version of Gabi. Although deep down I doubt I will get that far, certainly not in the short term. But if I keep my mind on the long term goal, there is more hope.

Really, I want the classic best version of me. Fit, happy, inspired and motivated for life. What do you want?


A dress and a ballet concert

Today was my daughter’s first ballet concert (likely to be her last too!), so during her morning rehearsal I had an hour to check out some shops without a pram or frustrated pre-schooler. What an opportunity!

Now I do like the idea of wearing a frock but the opportunities to wear them have always been few and far between. I have always been told I was a tomboy so I never even thought about them until the last few years, particularly as my daughter starts to suggest clothing choices (ouch). Plus, I am not very comfortable in them, more that I am not comfortable in my skin in them. Having worn a uniform for half of my life now, deciding on a dress to wear is a nightmare. I seriously worry about going out anywhere dressy because picking out something to wear can cause heart palpitations! Thanks to Trinny and Susannah I think I am an apple shape and have tried to adopt some of their principles of dressing a woman without a waist. Read the rest of this entry »